Parents Anonymous of South Carolina, Inc.^®

Anger Management 101

•Model the Behavior You Want to See

When your child is acting out in an angry way, avoid responding with anger.  Reply to your child in a calm, even-tempered voice.  You will be better able to direct your child's actions and you will be modeling the behavior you want to see in your child.  Also, think about your own behavior.  Do you take out angry emotions on others?  By controlling your own emotions, you will be able to better demonstrate the actions you approve of and encourage in the whole family.  You will also be showing them that it is okay to have angry feelings.

•Acknowledge Your Child's Emotions

Your child needs to learn that while angry emotions are normal, there are acceptable and unacceptable ways of dealing with them. You can help your child learn this by acknowledging the reason he is angry. Often, just knowing that you understand your children's feelings can calm them down. Help them think through their feelings. Example: "I know it is frustrating when your brother takes your things without asking. How do you think you can get him to remember to ask?"

•Don't Answer Anger with Anger

Avoid responding to your child's anger with anger of your own. Your anger will tend to escalate with your child's mood. Instead, take a break and get your emotions under control. Yelling, threatening, and using physical discipline will not resolve the situation. Remember, you are the adult and you can choose how you want to react.

•Time Out

If your child's angry behavior is out of line, immediately stop the behavior and send your child to a safe spot to calm down. Do not try to deal with the behavior at the peak of your child's anger. When she has calmed down, take the time to tell her how her behavior was out of line. Help her explore alternatives for expressing her emotions.

•Teach

Talk to your child about his anger. Tell him that it is important to learn how to control his temper.  Suggest that he first get control of his emotions before he says or does inappropriate things. Set up rules for handling angry situations and consequences for inappropriate behavior.

•Have a Plan

Help your child develop an "anger control plan." At a quiet time, talk about anger. Brainstorm ideas of ways you and your child can deal with angry emotions. Come up with a list of things to do when your child feels she is losing control. Maybe she can listen to music or take a walk. Encourage and support your child when she tries the suggestions.

•Hug Time

When you find your child out of control, put your arms around him and hug him. A few minutes of quiet while you embrace your child will often replace his angry feelings with loving feelings.

This Parenting Tip provided from the files of PREVENT CHILD ABUSE SC.